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17 September 2007 @ 04:53 pm
Prison Break - Let's Talk About Sex...  
Title: Let’s Talk About Sex...
Author: clair_de_lune
Characters and/or pairings: Michael/Sara, Lincoln/Jane, Sucre/Maricruz
Genres: Oh my... crackfic, I guess
Rating: R
Summary: When Lincoln wriggles his eyebrows and says: “Confession time!” everybody thinks it’s a great idea.
Beta: be_cool_bec
Notes: written for challenge #3 at pbhiatus_fic with the prompt “Let’s talk about sex, baby” (I’m a bit late and I cheated – no NC-17.) Please do not try to figure out a timeline: totally pointless ^__^

They probably have been drinking a bit too much. Well, except Sara who doesn’t drink at all, but Sara is high on sugar (she’s quite addicted to M&M’s, which is less messy than being addicted to morphine, she guesses), and the outcome is not better than if she had been doing tequila shots. So, when Lincoln wriggles his eyebrows and says: “Confession time!” everybody thinks it’s a great idea, including Sara.

And even Sucre.

That is, until the moment he realizes all eyes are converging on him. He fumbles in frenzy with his glass and finally blurts out: “I... I... I’ve waited ‘til I met Maricruz.”

Lincoln laughs; Jane rolls her eyes upwards; Michael stares. Maricruz’s judgment is slightly impaired by her state of drunkenness, so she opens her eyes wide, and a hint of panic shows up on her face. Sara gobbles an M&M’s and says: “Quit fucking kidding us, Fernando, and be a man!” This is what everybody is thinking – although Michael wouldn’t probably have worded it that way.

“Wimp,” Lincoln sneers.

“Yeah, Sink? You’d rather I make up stories about what was going on once the damn sheet was up?”

“You mean, they were nothing but stories?” Sara says, mimicking disappointment. Or astonishment. Or a mixture of both.

Sucre whimpers something like: “Not you too, Doc’...”

* * *

“I’ve used... you know... stuff on Fernando. Of the vibrating kind.”

“Mami!” Sucre protests with a hurt expression.

“Sorry, baby, but it’s the truth.”

“You’re supposed to confess something about you.”

“Yeah, ‘Nando,” Jane sarcastically interjects, “you can say because you really went along with the game.”

“Oh, OK, then.” Maricruz smiles. “I let Fernando use stuff on me.”

Sucre throws his hands up in the air with a disgusted groan. Sara soothingly pats him on the shoulder and shares some of her M&M’s with him. He deserves them, poor thing.

“Just tell me if you need any medical help, Fernando,” she offers with a smirk.

Sucre slouches down on the table and whines.

* * *

“I slept with both a father and his son,” confesses Jane. “Not... you know... not at the same time.”

Everybody freezes, except Lincoln who visibly flinches and turns white.

“This isn’t funny,” he whispers.

“No, it isn’t,” she admits. “Nobody said it has to be funny. Aldo was important to me.”

There’s a long, awkward, heavy silence. In the end, Michael reaches out for his brother and gently squeezes his arm.

“Come on, Linc, everybody knew.”


“Yeah, I mean, it was pretty obvious...”

He shrugs and seeks Sara’s eyes for support. With a sigh, she plunges her hand in her bowl of M&M’s, grabs a large handful and lays it in front of Lincoln. At this rate, she’ll be out of munitions sooner that she would care for.

* * *

“I had sex with a woman.”

Sara would swear she can hear Sucre’s neck cracking when he abruptly looks up, and feel a small breeze when Lincoln turns his head towards her at lightening speed. Jane lifts an eyebrow high on her forehead and ogles her with – a weird, very weird, Michael thinks – interest. Maricruz smirks at their reactions but doesn’t forget to elbow Fernando, and Fernando obediently closes his mouth.

“I had this dream once, you know,” Lincoln muses out loud, and Michael glares at him. “Back in Fox River,” he amends. “Before you...”

“It’s not your turn yet, Linc. Shut up.” Michael helps himself to the M&M’s bowl, because, well... “You... um?”

“College experiment. So not original, isn’t it? You want me to elaborate?” She smiles at him, and his cheekbones grow a bit red.

Four pairs of eyes are watching them, and no one is bothering to hide their curiosity, so Michael wisely answers: “Maybe later.”

Sure thing.

* * *

“... movie theater, a car parked on Michigan Avenue,” Lincoln enumerates while counting on his fingers. “... a restaurant bathroom...”

Sara hums approvingly, Michael frowns at Lincoln, and Lincoln thinks it’s highly unfair that is brother frowns at him because his own girlfriend has a thing for sex in restaurant bathrooms. It’s not like he can do anything about it – well, he could do something about it, but it would probably piss off Michael beyond belief. Not to mention Jane. And these are two people he doesn’t want to piss off, they don’t deserve it.

“Of course,” Michael snorts. “And on a bench in the park, in a lobby, in a booth at the swimming pool...”

“Nah, not at the swimming pool. You know I can’t stand the smell of chlorine. Kills the mood.”

“... up against the wall in a dark alley...,” Michael resumes.

“Oh yeah,” Jane lets slip with a breathless moan and a dreamy expression on her face.

“Too much information,” Sucre protests.

There’s a common agreement regarding that complain: “Wimp.”

* * *

“I have been in a threesome, once.” Michael lowers his voice and adds: “Or twice.”

Lincoln spatters his tequila right in front of him, and Sucre barely manages to duck in time and avoid being spit on.

“Classy, Lincoln,” Michael criticizes with his best stern tone.

“No, you haven’t!” Sucre is so scandalized he could almost – almost – get over the spiting; he will address that later. Right now, he’s elbowing Maricruz, but he doesn’t seem to have as much influence on her as she has on him, because she keeps staring at Michael.

“Man / woman ratio?” asks Sara, businesslike. Because this kind of thing can make all the difference, huh?

“I won’t answer that.”

Sara and Jane grin and chorus, as if they were synchronized: “Two men.”

Michael stares at them. “Why do you assume...”

“Honey,” Jane cuts short. “No man... not even you... would refuse to kiss and tell if the answer was ‘two women’.”

“Lady has a point, Fish,” Sucre acknowledges.

Lincoln pours himself another tequila shot. Jane is carefully watching Michael, and Lincoln growls: “Don’t look at him like that, it won’t happen again.”

“No worries.” She smiles sweetly. “I was just wondering who the other man may have been.”

* * *

They really have been drinking a bit too much, and with a stroke of luck, they won’t remember everything that has been disclosed.

Well, except Sara. That’s the good side of being high on sugar rather than on alcohol. She gobbles a few more M&M’s and starts making mental notes.

Current Mood: rushedrushed
Alo': Ø | lolalohomoraa on September 17th, 2007 03:37 pm (UTC)
très chouette fic. J'ai ri de bout en bout, aussi bien à propos des révélations, que des réactions.

et les M&M's ? "Faites les tourner", comme ils disent ! :D
Clair de Lune: roseclair_de_lune on September 17th, 2007 04:09 pm (UTC)
[fangirl de base] Niiiiiine ♥ [/fangirl de base]

Hum. Reprenons-nous.

Les M&M's, la seule raison pour laquelle j'ai choisi des M&M's honnêtement... c'est parce que je ne trouvais pas d'autres bonbons non français :-| *Manque de références culturelles essentielles* :-p
Andrea: Sarah Laughingspoiled_andrea on September 17th, 2007 08:00 pm (UTC)
ROTFL!!! Brilliant! :)
Clair de Lune: pb - michael2clair_de_lune on September 18th, 2007 07:02 pm (UTC)
Thanks, glad you found it funny :-)
heartagram_lalaheartagram_lala on September 17th, 2007 08:08 pm (UTC)
very funni lol, loved it.
Clair de Luneclair_de_lune on September 18th, 2007 07:15 pm (UTC)
Thank you, glad you enjoyed it ;-)
happy is as happy does: Prof. X - alazysodhappywriter06 on September 18th, 2007 02:33 am (UTC)
Absolutely brilliant!! My favorite pairings and some great lines. I must thank the inspiration behind this one.

“Yeah, Sink? You’d rather I make up stories about what was going on once the damn sheet was up?”
Can you imagine Linc's reaction would be? Priceless.

“Come on, Linc, everybody knew.”
“Yeah, I mean, it was pretty obvious...”

lol. Poor Linc. I liked this line also b/c it's a touch of seriousness without bringing the piece down. Just like this line And these are two people he doesn’t want to piss off, they don’t deserve it. For some reason this line just struck me. One, it shows how Linc cares about Michael and how he cares about Jane.

“No worries.” She smiles sweetly. “I was just wondering who the other man may have been.”
I think I've been reading too much slash.

Again, brilliant.
JJ: wm14jolietjones on September 18th, 2007 04:12 pm (UTC)

Lovely fun and nice surprises. Thanks for translating.
Clair de Lune: pb - michael2clair_de_lune on September 18th, 2007 07:18 pm (UTC)
Thanks a lot :-)
(No translation here: this one has been foolishly boldly written in English...)
Clair de Luneclair_de_lune on September 18th, 2007 07:14 pm (UTC)
I was a bit concerned that Jane's "confession" might kill the mood, but the lines wouldn't leave me alone... Glad it worked fo you. I liked her (as well as potential Lincoln/Jane) but I'm afraid season 3 won't go that way ^__^

I think I've been reading too much slash.
I guess I should have warned about hints of slashiness for both Michael and Sara :-p

Thanks for commenting :-)
happy is as happy does: L&J complicated - sezhappywriter06 on September 22nd, 2007 09:30 pm (UTC)
I liked her (as well as potential Lincoln/Jane) but I'm afraid season 3 won't go that way
Me, too. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that something will happen. I don't care if it just a phone call. Something.

I guess I should have warned about hints of slashiness for both Michael and Sara
It's so minor, you have to squint. ;-)
Clair de Lune: pb - lincoln janeclair_de_lune on September 23rd, 2007 08:57 pm (UTC)
And LJ has been kidnapped so... what did they do to Jane? :'-(
happy is as happy does: Jane - ?happywriter06 on September 24th, 2007 11:18 pm (UTC)
I don't even want to think about it.
Recycledfaery: misa - let's play docrecycledfaery on September 19th, 2007 05:40 pm (UTC)
*giggles uncontrollably*
This is so funny!
Clair de Lune: pb - michael3clair_de_lune on September 20th, 2007 10:20 am (UTC)
Thanks ;-)
You know, this is definitely not what I meant when I told you about nice shipper stories *grin*
Recycledfaery: Michael - hair and stubrecycledfaery on September 20th, 2007 10:43 am (UTC)
I think I'm so de-sensitized by now that this one is very mild for me. LOL

I'll send you that last one this weekend okay?
Clair de Lune: cj - aieclair_de_lune on September 20th, 2007 03:54 pm (UTC)
Ouch, that stings *g*
I swear I'm going to translate the nicest, sweetest story and have you beta-read it (and gag on the fluff) ;-)
Recycledfaery: MaMi - S3recycledfaery on September 20th, 2007 08:02 pm (UTC)
Oh please don't do that to me. LOL I like hardcore now. I have been corrupted.. Hmmm who's responsible for that I wonder.
I won't mind some Mahone / Michael you know?
Clair de Lune: pb - michael2clair_de_lune on September 21st, 2007 03:50 pm (UTC)
Um, sorry, too late : I'm on it, fluff is on its way ^__^
Seriously, just let me know if you won't or can't beta. I sometimes feel like I'm snowing you under stuff to proof-read.

As for Michael/Mahone... just wanted to let you know that you're an evil, evil woman.
Recycledfaery: MaMi - sounds like you carerecycledfaery on September 21st, 2007 04:39 pm (UTC)
Oh no bring it on. I like to read your stuff. I don't think I'm the best beta reader but at least I'm enthusiastic... LOL

As for Michael/Mahone... just wanted to let you know that you're an evil, evil woman.
*cackles* *twice*
(Anonymous) on April 2nd, 2008 08:13 pm (UTC)
J'ai beaucoup aimé... du moins ce que j'en ai compris...Je me suis dis "essayons une fic en Anglais, c'est plus sympa pour progresser que de lire "where is Bryan...""... mais apparement je manque encore de vocabulaire... j'ai saisis (je pense... non j'espère) toutes leurs confessions et à peu près les réactions de chacun, mais ce qui serait vraiment vraiment super c'est que tu la traduises en français pour que je savoure cette fic absolument géniale... parce que j'ai beau essayé, je reste toujours aussi peu à l'aise en Anglais...

Enfin j'ai écris une fic un peu dans ce genre là mais dont le jeu, apparemment célèbre aux USA ("je n'ai jamais...") tourne au règlement de compte... mais finalement je ne sais pas si je ne vais pas changer ça parce qu'à la lecture de ta fic je trouve que c'est quand même mieux de garder l'esprit "jeu entre amis, dans la bonne humeur"...

En tout cas... bravo pour la légèreté, je crois...non, j'en suis sûre... que je suis une fan de "crackfic"
Clair de Lune: s.w.calliesclair_de_lune on April 2nd, 2008 09:12 pm (UTC)
Re: Bambiemag
J'essayerai de la traduire, mais je ne garantis rien, notamment parce que j'ai toujours beaucoup de mal à traduire les dialogues et il y en a pas mal dans celle-ci. Ceci étant dit, s'il y a des choses précises que tu n'as pas comprises, je peux préciser ;-)

Je suis irrécupérable : j'aime les personnages et j'arrive rarement à faire tourner les choses au vinaigre entre eux. Mais les confessions qui virent au règlement de compte, ça a son attrait aussi :-p
shalia74: MiSa - Scylla kissshalia74 on October 11th, 2008 11:32 pm (UTC)
Oh my....Definitely loved it :)

That was really fun...Ahhh...Michael and Sara...You're naughty *giggles*

I found your lj through pbfic.net and clicked on this story because of the title lol...Made me woder... I think I'm gonna love all these one shots you have...I'll read more next time 'cause it's way too late here and sleepy me means too much rambling so I'll stop now lol...
Clair de Lune: s.w.calliesclair_de_lune on October 12th, 2008 08:50 pm (UTC)
The title was actually the prompt of the challenge *g* Perfectly accurate.
Thanks a lot for stopping by and commenting. I'm glad you liked it :)
sassy, classy, and a bit smart-assy: Janebadboy_fangirl on June 19th, 2009 06:25 pm (UTC)
I somehow missed this before...not sure how that happened. I like both scenarios, the one where Jane and Aldo had a thing, and the one where they didn't. It's handled very smoothly. Well done.

As for Sara and her M&Ms, I found that thread really touching and funny.

Sara knows all of Michael and Lincoln's secrets, but as it's stated, hopefully none of them will remember anything in the morning! *g*
Clair de Lune: origami - canardclair_de_lune on June 19th, 2009 08:10 pm (UTC)
It's an old one, one of the first I wrote in English.

I'm not sure how I feel about possible Jane/Aldo but this is was supposed to be a rather crackastic fic (even though Jane's confession is more serious) so it's easier to take it a bit lightly.

When thinking about it, Sara sharing her M&Ms is actually cute *pets Sara*

Ooh, maybe Michael and Lincoln will have forgotten, but Sara will remember and be able to blackmail them *g*
sassy, classy, and a bit smart-assy: beautiful Sarabadboy_fangirl on June 19th, 2009 08:18 pm (UTC)
The fic where I wrote that Jane and Aldo had had a thing, she didn't have at thing with Linc (it was a Linc/Sara story). But I always sort of wanted to explore it the other way because I've often written that Jane sees Lincoln as very similar to Aldo, so it would make sense if she fell for both of them.

Oh, that would be a great sequel to this piece, right? Where Sara is tormenting the brothers with what she knows. And she somehow lures them into another threesome.

I love her reasoning behind each M&M share. Comfort food. Very cute and sweet.
Clair de Lune: pb - janeclair_de_lune on June 19th, 2009 08:48 pm (UTC)
I think Aldo/Jane and Linc/Jane in the same story would make me freak out a bit - sharing a girlfriend with your father is a bit too close for comfort (and yes I'm aware I'm writing Michael/Lincoln ;)) - but indeed it would make sense, and the idea has a great potential.

I did write a couple of tiny sequels dwelling on their 'confessions' (Follow Up and Any Other Questions) but they're Michael/Sara only.

And she somehow lures them into another threesome
... in a restaurant bathroom, maybe? :-p
Um, given Jane's remark, I could also imagine Lincoln/Jane/Michael.
sassy, classy, and a bit smart-assy: SaraMikeLincbadboy_fangirl on June 19th, 2009 10:04 pm (UTC)
Not in the same story...because Aldo's always dead, but just the idea that they both have carnal knowledge of her, and that Lincoln knows about it. I agree it's strange that you're okay with M/L (although I guess they aren't REALLY bros) but squicky about A/J & L/J. But as long as you're aware of it! *g*

I'm more squicky about M/L with a lady together...though I have read a few. As long as there's not too much touching between the two of them, I can get through it.
Clair de Lune: pbclair_de_lune on June 20th, 2009 01:40 pm (UTC)
Parent/child incest is squicky for me, even if the 'child' is as old as Lincoln. Of course, Jane knowing the two of them in such a way isn't the same, but it still is too close for comfort. To a lesser extent, I used to have the same issue with Lincoln/Sara - then I sarted to write Michael/Lincoln so L/S suddenly sounded very, very, very mild in that respect ;)

Anyway, I wouldn't say that reading Lincoln/Jane knowing Aldo and she had a thing or had been in a relationship would squick me, but I would probably squirm a bit.

Actual threesome is another can of worms. But if I wrote another one including Michael and Lincoln, chances are it would be slashy at least to some extent since the first one wasn't. Not to mention that I wrote a Lincoln/Sara/Jane with femshlash - I need some balance here :p

although I guess they aren't REALLY bros
Ooooh, don't start me with that or I'm going to ramble *g*

Edited at 2009-06-20 02:36 pm (UTC)