?

Log in

 
 
04 August 2012 @ 10:17 am
---  
I've unlocked the fic.
Not a good idea.
 
 
Current Mood: crappycrappy
 
 
 
Filthy Bunny: PB Road Tripfilthy_bunny on August 4th, 2012 10:16 am (UTC)
Well I, for one, am hugely grateful that you've unlocked it as I was seriously missing your fic - particularly at the moment as I'm writing my Kindle smut based on the M/L relationship, and require inspiration. I went and read a couple as soon as I saw this post. XD

But if it's making you feel crappy you could always re-lock it? :/ No one wants you to feel bad. *hugs*
Clair de Lune: ecriture3clair_de_lune on August 4th, 2012 11:13 am (UTC)
About two hours after unlocking, I was already considering locking again ;) I've unlocked because I have a couple of ficlets for rounds_of_kink and since I'm posting them, I thought I might as well unlock the rest too. Dumb move.

Honestly, the thing is that even if people read, they rarely bother saying a thing. I'm glad if they enjoy the fic, but after a while, little to no feedback is disheartening, and posting has become nothing but an ordeal. Now, I'm not entitled to feedback, but if it puts a strain on my ficcing, it's an easy choice, I'll take any measures that can help. Because I certainly don't need to feel like crap for such a stupid reason, but I do need to write.

Good luck with the Kindle thing.
*hugs back*
Filthy Bunny: PB Road Tripfilthy_bunny on August 4th, 2012 11:46 am (UTC)
GAH, since I am one of those horrible people who reads stuff and doesn't comment, I offer my sincerest apologies. >_< I mean I do comment sometimes, but I'm sure there must be plenty of your stories from your 'back catalogue' that I have read and adored but failed to comment on. I know how disheartening it can be to have little or no response to your writing efforts, so once again I am really sorry for being one of those nasty non-reviewers. Your writing is amazing and has really inspired me, so it's only right that I thank you for that. :) *moar hugs*
Clair de Lune: divers - plot bunnyclair_de_lune on August 4th, 2012 12:16 pm (UTC)
No need for apologies, no one can comment on everything *hugs* And my Michael/Sara/Lincoln obsession - not being everybody's cup of tea - certainly doesn't help. It's just that sometimes, someone saying something is encouraging And, um, if you're paranoid, it prevents you from wondering if people don't say anything because they don't read, don't care, don't think to do it, or because you write the crappiest crap ever.

Glad if I helped you in any way :) I know that reading fics by other people helps me too. The couple of thingies for rounds_of_kink? Oddly enough, I wrote them after beta-ing for someone...

Edited because double negative sucks.

Edited at 2012-08-04 04:38 pm (UTC)
Maz (or foxxy!): A Little Joytuesdaeschild on August 4th, 2012 04:39 pm (UTC)
You two ladies are among the best around these parts for lots of reasons...two of which being you both write very tasty fics and you're both so lovely :)

rounds_of_kink can be quite useful sometimes! ;)

*hugs you both*
Clair de Lune: divers - heartsclair_de_lune on August 5th, 2012 06:05 am (UTC)
*squishes you*
Chat Noir: writing childmaster_chatnoir on August 5th, 2012 03:38 am (UTC)
I'm sorry you're dealing with stuff like this related to fic. The feedback that comes with internet posting is such a double-edged sword - it's so great when you get it, but when you don't you don't know if it's just general apathy or something to become paranoid about. sigh

I'm terrible at feedback even though I know how much it means to a writer. That's crazy. And as little as I read lately, you'd think I could at least say "liked it." But I'm still bad! And it seems like almost an insult if I don't say more.

I'm sure there are lots of other people like me, so don't tie yourself up in knots about it. I know how that feels and how it can paralyze your writing. So when you wonder if anyone is reading, remind yourself there are a lot of Chats out there and they are lazy asses. Then feel better and keep writing (because it *does* feel great to write, right? Right!) {hugs}
Clair de Lune: ecriture3clair_de_lune on August 5th, 2012 06:04 am (UTC)
Yes, I assume that laziness, apathy, taking stuff for granted, easy access to a lot of material... these kinds of things are the main reasons. But you know, actually, this is, ahem, absolutely not helpful ;) I'm familiar with most of the reasons and excuses not to comment. I share some of them; I struggle when I want to comment and I know how it is to be on the other side of that fence. But at some point, understanding doesn't cut it anymore, especially when it's because of the aforementioned reasons: it's a bit tiresome to keep walking in others' shoes when others don't seem to bother to try yours once in a while.

So when you wonder if anyone is reading
Right now, I don't. LJ stats thingie tells me that peeps have been reading - or browsing anyway - since I've unlocked.

Writing and posting are two different things for me, each with its good and bad sides. Writing feels good. Sure, sometimes, writing makes me want to bang my head in the wall, but with the right dose of masochism, in the end, it does feel great ;) I can't do without it.

Posting doesn't feel good for me, even in more favorable circumstances. I can do without it. Actually, as I've rediscovered during the last couple of months, I can do great without it. So when the good sides of posting can't compensate the bad ones, I wonder if and why I should keep doing it.

PS: I totally share the 'liked it' syndrome. I try to kick myself in the butt because, when on the receiving end of comments, I prefer a "I liked it" than nothing, but I... often fail to aim properly at my own butt ;)

Sorry. Awfully chatty :-/

*hugs back*

Edited at 2012-08-05 06:20 am (UTC)
Chat Noir: writing Stevemaster_chatnoir on August 12th, 2012 02:43 am (UTC)
Sorry for the late reply, but you made a good point here & I wanted respond.

Yes, I assume that laziness, apathy, taking stuff for granted, easy access to a lot of material... these kinds of things are the main reasons.

Taking stuff for granted. Wow. You know, I always just excuse my bad behavior in not leaving feedback as my own laziness, which I thought was sufficient self-chastisement, but you're right - I take good fic for granted when I don't encourage that author. I feel like an idiot not realizing that, but I suppose it's always easy to overlook our own flaws. I'm glad to have the realization tho, bc I think it will prompt me to do better. And everytime I give up on a fic that's *not* written well, I need to remind myself that there's probably a better story I *won't* be able to read bc an unencouraged good author who gave up won't be writing it.

Nice wake-up call.

But at some point, understanding doesn't cut it anymore, especially when it's because of the aforementioned reasons: it's a bit tiresome to keep walking in others'shoes when others don't seem to bother to try yours once in a while.

Also true. But from a somewhat different angle: feedback is one of the reasons I got out of the fic buisness. It became too stressful to try to "repay" great feedback and encouragement when I couldn't keep up with reading the work of ppl who were gracious enough to give me feedback. You want to encourage others when you're encouraged yourself. And feeling like the slacker in your community (of your fandom's fic writers) who is taking rather than giving is also not cool.

The online writing/reading community thrives because of the ease of feedback, but at a certain point, it becomes not only a nice bonus for the author, but expected. And in a world where people are encouraged to value their work by the numbers of followers or hits or comments or whathaveyou, the lack of those things can be very depressing.

And even where the work (writing/art/vidding/etc) is done for the joy of it and there is great satisfaction in the creating, I think it's difficult to remember how great it was to create something when that joy is over and it feels like no one seems to care. If I had a solution, I'd be using it myself. Online writing burned me out. Don't let it do the same to you!

LJ stats thingie tells me that peeps have been reading

A tech aside, I have my browser set to block images so I can load LJ on my phone. As a result, it shows trackers. And yours always seem to be on your main posts. You might get better data if you put them behnd the cut for your fic, then you can see who clicks through to read? I don't know, but maybe worth a try?

So when the good sides of posting can't compensate the bad ones, I wonder if and why I should keep doing it.

I *so* understand. But then, I'm very insecure. You seem a much stronger person, so I get where it just seems frustrating bc again - being taken for granted is a horrible feeling. You're not a fic machine for the masses. Do what makes you feel good. Maybe more people who've been reading will realize - like me - that their gravy train can be taken away at any minute and they need to feedback it now before that happens!

Sorry. Awfully chatty :-/

Not at all! I think I prattled on way more than anyone wants to hear!
Clair de Lune: ecriture1clair_de_lune on August 12th, 2012 04:25 pm (UTC)
Taking stuff for granted? There are so many fanworks available, it's easy to read or watch and move onto the next one. It's not like I don't do it too. It's the kudos feature on AO3 that made me wonder. Aside from what one may think of the feature itself, it's easy to give one: no issue of time, laziness, device not handy enough to write a comment, not knowing what to say, etc., and yet people give relatively few kudos compared to the hits on the stories. (I mean generally speaking, not only mine.) So I wondered if it's not because people just don't think about it - or maybe they don't care, but then, that's more depressing.

It became too stressful to try to "repay" great feedback and encouragement when I couldn't keep up with reading the work of ppl who were gracious enough to give me feedback.

I understand and to some extent share the feeling, although not the point of being stressed by it. Some reciprocity is always nice. I think it's tricky when you both write and read in a fandom, because you may enter, or feel like you enter, a circle where you 'owe' people things. Maybe it's simpler when you only read: authors/fanartists don't owe you fanworks and you don't owe them comments; it's just that for a fandom to be lively, it's best to have both.
If it can help, though, sometimes I comment for the same reason than I write: because I cannot not comment. I LOVED A STORY AND THE AUTHOR HAS TO KNOW IT - because obviously, it's all about me, and my opinion on the story matters so much /self-sarcasm - and I couldn't care less about reciprocity or whatever else.

Online writing burned me out.

I'm sorry to hear that. I don't know about your other fandoms, but one of the issues with Prison Break was that fic authors had to overcome online writing and the crap that passed for canon. And I'm going to carefully but quickly step away from that rant ;)

Thanks for the tip about the trackers. I think I keep sprinkling them because I used to administrate websites and a b-board where they were useful, and I haven't got rid of the habit, but actually, LJ built-in feature tells me what I need to know when I wonder - if something is read at all.

I think it's difficult to remember how great it was to create something when that joy is over and it feels like no one seems to care.

This is why I don't like posting. It's exposing myself to that every single time. Why would a sane person do that? o_O

I'm very insecure. You seem a much stronger person

Oh dear! Want to enter a competition about insecure-ness? ;) I really am not strong, and I'm not aiming to derail even a little bit any gravy trains ;) It's just egocentricity self-preservation. If I can write and post, good, I'll do it. If I feel like I can't, I'll post later or not at all. For now except the ficlets for rounds_of_kink, I'm not posting anything new.
Damn. Some people have writer's block, I have poster's block *g*