?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
27 August 2008 @ 09:41 pm
Prison Break - Kaleidoscope (8/9)  
Title: Kaleidoscope (8/9)
Author: clair_de_lune
Characters: LJ
Genre: Gen
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~ 560
Warnings: Implied incest
Summary: He doesn’t understand and he doesn’t want to understand.


Previous / Next part

LJ

He closes the bathroom door and throws up his lunch. And then his breakfast for good measure. It lasts forever and, in a way, he’d like that it never stops. He gags and feels his stomach heave, but it’s almost welcome; it allows him to focus on something else. In the end, he’s left with a taste of bile on his tongue and tears stinging the corner of his eyes. He wipes his mouth with a piece of paper, flushes the toilet and collapses against the wall. He doesn’t feel well enough to stay on his knees, let alone get up and walk.

Last week, he saw them. It wasn’t on purpose, he didn’t mean to spy on them, he just saw them. In Michael’s studio. Not that there was actually a lot to see. Just a slightly too tight embrace, hands going down just a bit too low and gripping a bit too hard. He wouldn’t have paid attention, he would have just gone away, if they hadn’t leaned their foreheads against each other’s, breathing in the same small space, their eyes closed; if there hadn’t been on their faces, then in their eyes all day long, that expression. The one he displays himself when he looks at Sofia. The one Sofia displays when she looks at Lincoln. A mixture of love and lust that can’t and won’t be satisfied, a hint of despair, a dash of acceptance.

He wonders if it’s always been here, right in his face, and he never saw it.

He doesn’t understand and he doesn’t want to understand. He knows that understanding and forgiving, and then forgiving and accepting are different things, but for now, the difference is way too subtle. Anyway, to understand, he would have to think about it and it’s really, really something he’d rather avoid. Thinking about it, sooner or later, would imply questions such as since when and why and how many times and how. He doesn’t want to have these answers. He strongly doubts that this is one of those situations where what he can imagine is worse than the actual facts. He’d rather stay in the haze he’s been basking in for a week – actually, he’d rather be totally ignorant of the reality, but it’s not like he has a choice. Sure, he feels like gagging, he has that red veil in front of his eyes when he looks at them. Sometimes, he would dream about it and wake up with a headache and nausea, but all in all, this is a lesser evil. As long as he doesn’t think, he doesn’t risk hating them, despising them or, even worse, pitying them.

He’s frozen in place, indecisive, when Sofia waves the car keys in front of his eyes. He can’t get out, he can’t leave. He reasons that, as long as there will be people in the house, they can’t do anything, and this idea entices him to stay here. To sit in front of the old TV and wait and force them into doing nothing. But then he hears a loud, dull sound on the veranda, a chair hitting the wall. The haze around him tears apart, he can feel his heart in his throat and the red veil in front of his eyes, and he realizes that he can’t do it; he can’t stay here one more second.

* * *

Comments are always welcome.

Previous / Next part
 
 
Current Mood: blahblah
 
 
 
Maz (or foxxy!): Hugging Brothers Season 3tuesdaeschild on September 1st, 2008 05:56 pm (UTC)
Poor LJ.

But how can the brothers not feel the way they do? It's not like they asked for their love to be dysfuncional.

I still found the sight that LJ saw kind of beautiful in a hopeless, helpless kind of way.

And no need to answer all these comments! I've been spamming you!! Bad Foxy!!
Clair de Lune: roseclair_de_lune on September 3rd, 2008 07:07 pm (UTC)
LJ is actually the reason why the fic is an ensemble of POV. My 'prompter' wanted his take on the situation and I really hadn't the guts (nor the wish since I don't care that much for him) to write the whole thing in his POV. Hence the series of POV :p

And no need to answer all these comments! I've been spamming you!! Bad Foxy!!
*snorts* Please! This story was hard to write, hard to translate and asked quite a bit of work from two betas. Your comments are always a treat, and I especially appreciate them here.
On the other hand, *I* feel bad for spamming you with replies but you know... can't help it *blushes*